MK5 Golf GTI
General => Random Chat => Topic started by: matsu on March 22, 2011, 09:02:36 am
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> A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I
> quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
>
> I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was
> standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three
> hours later and they're still walking about with it I thought to myself,
> these buggers have lost the plot!!
>
> I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
> check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
>
> A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused
> permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel
> said, 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the
> humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
>
> My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our
> local pet shop and they were £70!! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get
> one cheaper off the web.
>
> Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
>
> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a p**s."
>
> I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
>
> The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
> cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death...
>
> Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was
> eat, drink and be Mary.
>
> Paddy says "Mick I'm thinking of buying a labrador so I am."
> "Sod that" says Paddy, "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
>
> I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
> biggest p***k she had ever laid her hands on.
> I said "You're pulling my leg"
>
> I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to
> inform me that they're not actually a dating agency...
>
> My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that
> 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
>
> A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes
> silent as everyone stares at him...
> "Where are you from? You sound English", said a drinker.
> "I'm from just across the Severn," replies the man nervously.
> "What do you do, just across the Severn?"
> "I'm a taxidermist."
> "What on earth is one of those?"
> "I mount animals."
> "It's alright boys," shouts the barman. "He's one of us."
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Thanks Matsu. They hit the spot. :laugh:
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That helped the day brighten a little this end! :happy2:
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ppmsl :signLOL:
good stuff :happy2:
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A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me, ... talking to the beer."
:laugh:
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:grin: very good,like the brake fluid one. :signLOL:
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A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me, ... talking to the beer."
:laugh:
brilliant! :grin:
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A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me, ... talking to the beer."
:laugh:
:congrats: :grin:
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Thanks for those, I needed a smile!