MK5 Golf GTI
General => Random Chat => Topic started by: Johnny_tro on February 23, 2012, 08:38:37 pm
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Kinda long winded but I will give you a basic over view.
Job 1) I applied for this last year......great job with LOTS of potential and something I would REALLY like to do. Never every thought I would get it, but applied anyway.
Job 2) Local job, interesting and nice change.
Now where is becomes serious.......! I have family and live in West Midlands. Both jobs are about the same £ wise, but job 1 has soooo much potential and would love to do it. The problem is, its based in London.
Talked with partner etc. she would NEVER move......and the downside I would be away a lot which would :sad1: my son.
Realistically......as much as I want job 1, I don't really have much choice do I - son should always come first as I don't see any other way?
PLEASE BE SERIOUS......as I need to make a big choice. If I turn down job 1 I will be gutted. But a job is a job and your son is your son :sad1:
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If a job meant that much to be, then i would like to think my partner would support me in any which way she could.
Is it commutable?
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Ultimately you have to decide what is best for you and your family.
I'm in the unfortunate position that i have no choice but to do what my job says and go where my job says. When i leave this job i have vowed that i will never ever take a job that means i spend time away from my family. I would do 2 sh*tty jobs to make ends meet as long as i could see my wife and baby that's on the way.
For me family will come first every time. :smiley:
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Where abouts are you living now? train journeys into london are getting easier from al over the country now.
could you commute. If not, how long could you keep up staying away during the week. My dad used to work away during the week but stopped and left a very well paid job so he could be home more often.
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You will never replace the lost time of your son growing up and you not there to see it,family first for me
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Brum to London is commutable by train but that still makes for a long day.
Difficult. You can't necessarily choose where you work but you can choose where you live and make the most of it from there provided there is a game plan for the future.
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I can commute yes, but would be back late, and leave early - I would not see my lad till weekends, and will need to work some weekends to.
It has the opportunity for me to relocate in a few years as well, state side or Europe. Such a big opportunity for ME.
My partner is happy and not for obvious reasons. She would not move (Midlands) becuase her family, friends etc.
It has plus sides for my son - can take him with sometimes on travel etc. but I will see him properly - ONCE and week (9 years old) and we do everything together (we are close) realistically I have 5 good years left with my son, before he becomes 'raving - hoodied - boy racer'
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Job 2... unless job 1 is a huuuuge salary.
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Job 1 < Is good........NOT megga megga, but its good with great opportunity! Safe, secure, benifits............
Job 2 < OK, but in time I will get boarded.
Job 2 < Make everyone else happy (just not me)
Job 1 < Will :sad1: a few people but I will regret this in the long term (deep down)
:ashamed:
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Will job 1 be achievable/available in 5 years time? Time with your son is one time only, the job opportunity may come up again but at a more favourable time for all.
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Hmm tough one.
Had some similar concerns myself and as yet still undecided so I feel your pain but can't make up my own mind let alone help you with yours, sorry. :drinking:
Whilst time with family is extremely precious, being able to give that family the things they want is also important.
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Will the job come round again ? not unless the sack me lol or a progress......took me 4 months, 2 interview, few test to get this. I never expected to get it....then :surprised: I got the call.......love you on board :scared:
Love my son < HE IS NUMBER 1 - die for him, kill for him........sell my soul for him!
Althought my time with him is limited - it will BENIFIT him to. Giving him more, better things....and opportunites. but as I have just been told by the mrs, sorry miss lol its all worthless, all he needs is a dad!!!
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As a man who works shifts, it kills me to be away from my family. Despite being in the same house when I'm working 12 hour nights or afternoons I barely see any of them they are 17 and 16 and I've missed so much of their lives. If I had a choice I'd be home every night with them. Some things with your children only come around once and do you really want to miss it for a job ?
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If there's one thing I've learnt lately it's spend all the time you have with your family (my mum passed away yesterday) stay local, there's other was to progress with your career and many opportunities will arise
Family is so important, spend all the time with your son as you can, spend all the time in the world you can with your family, you never know what's around the corner and when anything happens you will blame yourself and hate yourself for not spending all the precious time you can with them, we all take things for granted....especially things we see the most :sad1:
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I was in Ikea the other day. The writing on the wall read "spend time not money on your children".
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It has the opportunity for me to relocate in a few years as well, state side or Europe. Such a big opportunity for ME.
My partner is happy and not for obvious reasons. She would not move (Midlands) becuase her family, friends etc.
How is that going to work, if you are in Europe and she won't move?
I'd take the second job just to be able to spend more time with the family. I've found that most people who have long communtes or long periods away suffer in their relationships, unless they are really strong to start with.
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what's the job?
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I think I know the answer deep down, but just did not want to admit to it - I have to say no :ashamed:
Local....average job..........with family time
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You could look for a more interesting job locally ?
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Don't get it. Did you not discuss this with the other half BEFORE you applied for job 1 considering its in London, commute would be mental and also not seeing ur son much?
Also if both pay same then commuting into London is arm and leg so take home pay ultimately less.
By applying for job 1 shows you're willing to move yourself or commute for it regardless of other issues?
That's how I see it I'm afraid.
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A job is only a job family is something for ever through sickness and everything mate. Sit down with your wife and tell her your concerns as well.
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We have talked, and yes I knew what the expect when I applied......honestly, I just never expected to get the job.
Travel costs < they contribute to them
Moving < I would pack and move tonight, she would never move, because of family and friends.
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What about moving a little closer to your new job but still easy for your wife to see family so atleast you can be home sooner
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What about moving a little closer to your new job but still easy for your wife to see family so atleast you can be home sooner
Northampton? Fast train straight into Euston, close to birmingham, close to Silverstone. :driver:
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We have talked, and she really love is where we are....nice quiet area, live opposite a park - great for the kids. Family friends all close by.
5 min walk from her job
15 mins from sons school
Done a list of pro's and con's...........
Con's more than outway the pro's.
After reading all your comments, I kinda feel it obvious.......the job is just not practical and maybe I was just being selfish regarding the job and not taking them into account fully.
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They're kids for what seems like minutes pal, mine are 9 month sold now (twins) and I'm lucky in that I have a great deal of flexibility regarding hours. Having said that when I'm away I do miss them terribly..
Just an alternative point of view, If I have a busy day then invariably I'm away prior to the kids getting up and find myself driving like a dick in the rush hour to get home prior to bath/bed time to see them not always successfully.
So consider..... some commuting, a cheap guest house, a travel card...... your principal job is to provide for your family, if the London job is more secure with potentially more prospects that may pay dividends later...you may be able to have more flexibility over hours or even working from home.
My dad was in the merchant navy and spent weeks away from home at a time, he always made a 300% effort during his time at home and there was four of us!, there is the quality not quantity argument as well.
Sounds like you've made your mind up follow your heart and good luck with it
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At the minute I'm working in Belfast and live in Manchester. I have 3 children and only took the job
Due to financial reasons. We were skint and it's an outrageous day rate
But believe me I can't wait for it to end I miss my children and wife so much.
It was a great job but the novelty soon wears off. For me it's family all the way before finances
I can't tell you how much you will regret it and if you ask your son if he would prefer you home all the time
Or nicer things he'll pick his daddy every time guarenteed. Hope this helps
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All good advise, and its wierd how there different opinions......but ALL have valid reasons/good points.
Has helped a little....ideally would love to move - be great, but mrs wont even consider it. Lovely as she is, she is very much stuck in her ways - not a big fan on change. Likes to feel safe/secure/comfortable.....
hard to be flexible - would be 7.00 leaving, home for 8.30 give or take.....and occassional weekend work.
As for quality and quantity - know son would much prefer quantity over quality - seriously we do everthing together! Always ME, not his mom
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i don't have kids so maybe i'm not in the best place to help, but lived in b'ham until recently and may be moving to london in 6 months and my gf lives in cov so thinking about similar practicalities
if you lived somewhere like cov or warwick you're only 30 minutes from birmingham and about an hour away from london. to me that seems a fair compromise. i know you'd miss your son and wouldn't see him as often as you'd like but i would have hoped your parter is more supportive... you spend 1/3 of your life at your job, it seems unfair to make you deal with a job you wouldn't enjoy with few future propects just because she doesn't want to commute a little to work, or drive extra to see friends.
you might live in a nice area already, but if you don't look you don't know what else is out there so seems odd just to close the door on an opportunity.
in any event, if she's not willing she's not willing. what i'd do is flip a coin. when it's in the air, you'll know what you want.
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No they are all valid points and I really really appreciate all the advise.
You do never know what is round the corner, but I have to say they are really very happy where we are. She does not drive, so it makes it a little more difficult.
I don't have issues with the commuting back and forth - my biggest issue is the kids.
Those that have had parents who worked away etc the big question is:
"When older (future) will my son appreciate was I was away alot to provide, give better future.....or will he just get old thinking I was never about ?"
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Take job 2 for now - family is more important than work as ultimately they are what make for the happiest times.
a job similar to 1 could be round the corner or a few months down the line ever in your local area or a commutable area. My friends dad worked away from home and he didn't see him much, as a result they don't have the best relationship in the world and now argue more than anything.
Good luck and hope it goes well!