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New Friday Joke thread!

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stealthwolf:
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist:

'Doc, I'm in a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.'

So the dentist asks him, 'Which tooth is it sir?'



The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth, honey, and show him.'

stealthwolf:
A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing a Newcastle United top walked into ASDA in Sunderland with her two umpalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?”

The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Whye na, they're not twins yer twat. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the ‘ell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a cheese eater?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam,” replied the greeter. “I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.”

Cochese:
Ruud Van Nistlrooy walked into a bar.
 The barman said
   "why the long face?"

matsu:
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.   I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
 
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 

Phil Mcavity:

--- Quote from: matsu on August 01, 2009, 08:00:45 pm ---I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.   I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
 
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 


--- End quote ---
Quality :congrats:

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