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New Friday Joke thread!

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doylebros:
THE AUSTRALIAN VIRGIN

A very nice, innocent woman wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with another woman.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback and he has no experience with women.
She is very happy with him, and she feels that they are perfect for each other...
So, they end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the evening.
When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked.
All the furniture from the room is piled in one corner.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman" he says,
"But if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"
 

doylebros:
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,

'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it,

allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked,

'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.

I have a 28 inch waist.

Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me.'

 

Biano44:
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?

doylebros:
Potatoes
Well, a Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato'.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would eat properly so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for those hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries, and when she went out West, she must watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
They sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ). So that when she graduated she'd really be "in the Chips".
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Richie Benaud.


"Richie Benaud!!!!" they cried.

They were very upset and told Yam "You can't possibly marry Richie Benaud because he's just ........


Are you ready for this? Are you sure?
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OK! You asked for it: Here it is!
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... just a COMMONTATER!"

 

doylebros:
I bought a new pair of shoes today, but when I got them home, I realised that one was a slip on, and one had laces.
I blame myself. On the box, it said Taiwan

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